Dear Family & Friends,
I wanted to write a blog to let everyone know that I have made it safely home to North Carolina. When you live in one place for your entire life you do not realize how much you will miss the little things that surround you at home. From the crickets outside chirping in the middle of the night, your bed and the way it feels when you lay your head down at night or seeing things that you see everyday like your family members, friends and pets.
For the past two months I was able to experience something that many people will never even have a chance to see in their lifetime. I was able to go to Hungary and live on my own. I have learned so many things about myself through this experience. I will be eternally grateful that I was able to follow the footsteps of God to this location and be touched by the rich heritage of the children and people of Hungary.
First, I have become more independent. More independent in ways that some of you might would think that I should have already conquered. Unfortunately, I have to admit that there were things that I never thought that I would get through. But through those experiences I became a stronger and more reliable person. Nobody can take those things away from you.
Secondly, I had to start relying on God when I felt fearful. Fear is something that takes over my brain and holds on tight. Thankfully, I found comfort in looking to the Lord about the things that I would become the most fearful about. Through this, God and I have become a stronger team and for that I will always be thankful. Without God, nothing is possible. Right?
Thirdly, I learned that sometimes things do not happen the way that you expect them too. There were many cases of this in Hungary. Living in a different culture is already hard enough. Then you add the isolation, the loneliness, the language barrier and the extra time that you have (which I had quite a bit!) These things were things that brought pros and cons into the situation. Sometimes I did not know how to handle these situations and unfortunately, maybe did not handle them correctly. At the same time, I believe that I mentally got myself through the time that I was there. Anyone that is gone for this amount of period is going to start longing for what was once normal.
Lastly, I learned about friendships. I have always known that “Friendships Come and Go,” but I hated to see them ‘GO’ when I left Budapest. I was torn. Here I was 6,000 miles away from everything that I knew and loved. But, now I was in a place that had become something that I loved and cherished as well. It was a bittersweet experience.
So, I told my kids that I was leaving yesterday. I never expected any of them to really be unhappy about this. I mean, yes of course, they had become special to me, but to me I thought it would be hard for them to be attached to me because I spoke a different language. Why I thought this I still do not know. I mean, me, myself had become attached to some people in Hungary that didn’t speak a word of English… actually, they ended up being my best friends in the end! When I was getting my coat on to leave on my last day of classes, a little girl approached me… sobbing… crying… and then she looked at me and she simply said, “Virag (her name) is sad Ms. Jessie…. Virag is very sad.” Tears started streaming from my face. How innocent these children are. They do not understand why I have to leave them after they have become so close to me. They do not realize how far America is from them. So, once the tears started flowing from Virag’s face, I looked around and my whole first grade class was in tears. Indeed, I made a difference. God made a difference.
For the past few days I have been really struggling with understanding why God sent me to Hungary. Some things had brought me to frustration and made me feel that I was not needed or did not fulfill a task. Yesterday, before I left for Hungary, I was praying to God. I was asking him, “why did I come here?! What has happened? Why did some of the things that were supposed to work not work the right way?”
A few weeks ago, I had been traveling into Budapest from Velence by train. I was standing at the train station talking to myself (thinking nobody knew what I was saying—or they would never see me again! Ha!) about why the ticket lady was not at her stand. Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind me… “hey, do you need some help?” He ended up helping me to my train, getting my ticket and from then on, we bumped into each other quite a bit. I called him last night to let him know that I would be leaving Hungary. He said he would like to come over and talk to me. So I invited him over with my friends and I for one last night of hanging out. We had stayed up later than everyone else just talking about life: goals and aspirations. Suddenly, he asked me why I had come to Hungary. I told him that God had sent me. He said that he did not believe in God and that he never felt God. We then began talking about spirituality. I had never been able to witness like this. It was different. He wanted to know. He asked me, “why do you believe?” What a great question. Why do you believe? I answered him with the best answer I knew, I then read scripture to him. I can say to you that I did not walk away knowing that he accepted Jesus as his Savior but I can walk away saying that he is thinking about it and that he has a bible. Pray for him to feel God’s spirit. That is my prayer request. I want him to feel the same way that I feel and so many of us feel. Isn’t it a great feeling to know that you have God in your life? Therefore, when I left Hungary, I may not have been able to witness to a ton of people like I was expecting to, but I witnessed to one person. If I can touch one person’s life while I was there, that would be enough. God did send me there for a reason and I did NOT FAIL. God has shown me in so many ways that this trip was well worth my time and energy.
Like I said before, I will be eternally grateful for this experience. On the first flight home from Budapest, I ran into a couple from Colorado. They had been at an orphanage in Romania. They have been witnessing in this Romanian organization for 19 years now. This man was so wise. I was able to tell him about my story and what was going on in my life. He gave me such a great lesson. It was the basics but it was something that each and every one of us should be reminded of… Grace, Mercy, Forgiveness, and Hope.
As I walk away from Budapest, I pray for that city and its surrounding cities. I pray for the guy that I got to talk to about God last night. I pray for the Hungarian Baptist Aid and all of the ways they help their people. I pray for the leaders of this organization, for they have a lot on their plates. I pray that I become more wise and that God will allow me to see things more clearly in the future.
"Traveling is not just seeing the new; it is also leaving behind. Not just opening doors; also closing them behind you, never to return. But the place you have left forever is always there for you to see whenever you shut your eyes."
Thanks for keeping up with me on my journey. More to come, hopefully.
Love,
Jessie
I wrote this on the way home from Hungary... I hope that you will continue to follow me... & pray for me... THERE IS MORE TO COME.
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