Clarification on my last blog

When I said that 50 deaths had been recorded from the flu... that was for the entire Country of Ukraine. I was not saying in that one particular village. I am just referring to the sickness that is going around in the Ukraine and the prayer that needs to go out for these people who are sick. I am sorry for any confusion that I could have caused.

Thank You.

Darkness.

This weekend was filled with excitement, joy, happiness, bliss and heartache. I was able to go to Munkacs, Ukraine this weekend with Speedy, Mariann and Lilia.

Ever since I was young, I have never wanted to enter my house when it was dark outside. There are times that I would sit in my car for an hour, until my parents got home so that I would not enter the house alone. As I have grown older, I have appreciated the dark more and more. I like it to be really dark when I sleep. I like movie theater's to be dark. Darkness is something that God created also.

The reason that I am speaking about darkness is because this weekend... I understood a new perspective on darkness. One that I do not know if I was ready to learn or not. When it's dark... you don't see everything in plain sight. You can't see very far in front of you while you are walking and you are searching for a light with every step that you take... so that you can see, so that you don't stumble, so that you don't fall down.

In Munkacs, it gets dark around 5 pm. The wedding was set to begin at 5 and we were running a little late. I was wearing my new pair of New Balances. As we were walking, all I could think about was how I was going to ruin my shoes. Slowly placing my feet in different places so that I would not get them muddy. It had been raining a lot in Munkacs at that time. The streets were filled with mud and big puddles.

The wedding celebration was absolutely awesome. Gypsies and their celebrations are anything but unique. They have their own culture and way of doing it. I got to see my little boys from the Summer for the 3rd time. Every time they see me, it's like amazement. They can not believe that I have come back again. This time I had to talk in front of the camera and all I could hear were screams from behind me "JESSIE, JESSIE!!" This my friends is the reason I come back to Munkacs. There is a feeling inside that I get when I am around these children. I want to make a difference in their lives so bad that it hurts.

So to explain where I was going with the darkness part of this story. The next morning I woke up... went outside to get some fresh air. It was still rainy, wet and muddy. We had to leave quickly after we woke up... we had to get on the road for we had a long journey ahead of us to get back to Budapest.

I knew that it might be the last time that I got to visit Munkacs before I traveled back to North Carolina. I also knew that it may be the last time that I get to see some of these friends until next Summer.

When we pulled out onto the street, something hit me. I started looking around. This place didn't look the same as it did this Summer. This place had trash everywhere, rainy wet roads and mud puddles, and desperation was in each of the faces that we passed. As we rounded the bend, I saw 3 boys that were apart of the summer camps this summer. They were searching through the trash that was laying on the ground. (Do you get it-- I'm weeping.)

The first thoughts thing came to my mind was that I was mad? Tears ran down my face. How can I come 6,000 miles away from my home and fall in love with these children...? Why am I an American? Why do they have to dig through the trash? Lord, why do they have no shoes and it's cold outside? Lord, why are they sick with no money? Lord, why THEM?

The night before I had been worried about my New Balance shoes getting dirty. That next day, I no longer cared about my New Balance shoes getting dirty... I cared about my 'children' getting dirty.

People, I do not think you understand. My heart is breaking. My eyes are filled with tears. Could you think of your brother or sister in the trash searching for their desires? In the dead of darkness, we don't see what people are living in. In the dead of darkness, we don't see what their faces are saying. In the dead of darkness, we don't see what's really going on in someone's life. But God does. Are you living in the darkness?

Wake up. Step into the light. God is waiting.

These next few months are going to be hard. They are cold, wet and dreary. I want to ask each and everyone of you to pray for these children. Sickness is already spreading in the Ukraine. 50 deaths have already been recorded. When these kids are sick they can not afford to go to the doctor. Pray for me to be strong as well.

This image will forever be in my mind. It has touched me deeper than I have been touched in a long time.

The link to my new youtube video where you can see the gypsy wedding is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glUXRC1ZTVI

NOVEMBER 2, 2009 VLOG ON YOUTUBE!!! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9DNSdteZK4

CHECK OUT MY NEW VIDEO :) HAD A GREAT DAY TODAY

Isn't that how we should meet our friends?

So it's 12:30 AM here now... and I have been laying in bed... thinking about sleep for the past hour. Unfortunately, getting to sleep has not yet occurred. I have a lot of things on my mind.

I was thinking about a few things that have happened recently that have really made me think. Things that each and every one of us have probably done in our lifetimes or are still doing at this moment. Recently, I found myself thinking about past events that have taken place in my life... Cases, which I have hurt someone. It could have been mentally, physically, or emotionally. I know that everyone does things in High School that they regret, but for me.. it seems to really be taking a toll on me. I did not commit murder or anything so serious that everyone is going to gasp for air and say to themselves, "No Way Jessie Garner Did That!!"

I have recently found out that a girl that I went to school with is dying. The only thing that I could stop and recall about her was the fact that I was insanely rude to her. I was always that person that laughed along with the crowd or pointed someone out for reasons that were obviously not what I would like to see. When I began to think about the things and people that I have gawked in my lifetime.... It became evident to me --that there was no reason for this. Some say, popularity is something that you have to work up too. What is your definition of popularity? Believe me high school students, popularity will be here today and out the window in 4 years. What are you trying to gain? The power to everything that you will one day regret. Furthermore, are you just masking yourself so that those that are around you will not see your faults, because you are going to make sure you show someone else's.

Looking back on the things I have done, I have regrets. Who doesn't? Sure, I'll have tons of regrets in my future... who wouldn't?

Remember that there is forgiveness about the regrets in your lifetime. Don't use this pass that God gives us freely. Don't apologize and get forgiveness for something that you know that you will end up doing tomorrow. Try to learn to make yourself more positive. Try to learn to not do the same sins over and over.

Jesus died on that cross to forgive us of our sins. Are you ready to be forgiven? Don't let the devil lead you into temptation... and evil... by insulting the person that is equal to you in God's eyes. You are insulting the precious gift that God created... Everything is equal to God. So, if the girl beside you in school doesn't dress the same as you, has less money, doesn't talk like you or smells really bad... don't tease her... instead, tell her about Jesus.

Why don't we end with everyone of our circumstances like that? Wouldn't that be more powerful? Let me tell you friends, since I have been here in Hungary... I have seen, held and been in contact with so many things that you could only imagine... but what I have come to realize... is that they were made just like I was. They are here for a purpose.

What I would give to go back and take that person's hand and show that school... it did not matter what she wore, what she looked like, or even, how she smelt... it didn't matter that she was not popular.. it mattered that she was a a believer in Jesus too... Isn't that how we should meet our friends?