It has been WAY too Long!

So, my life has been crazy & hectic as always since I returned from Hungary.

First, it was Christmas. Then, New Years and so on. I graduated in May from the Criminal Justice Program at Wake Technical Community College. I am currently working at Wal*Mart selling cell phones, working at the pool (life guarding and teaching swim lessons!) and I am keeping an adorable kid on the side! My life is very hectic and busy!

Although, there is a lot more to tell... this blog is about Hungary/ Ukraine! In fact, I am heading back to the Ukraine soon! I am super excited and am ready to get back to the children that I think about every day.

I am writing this to ask everyone to start praying for me as I look forward to my new journey!

Thank You all for you support, love and reading my blogs. It means a lot :)

Hopefully, I will be posting videos, blogs, etc every day that I am in the Ukraine/ Hungary.

Love,

Jessie

Back In America...

Dear Family & Friends,

I wanted to write a blog to let everyone know that I have made it safely home to North Carolina. When you live in one place for your entire life you do not realize how much you will miss the little things that surround you at home. From the crickets outside chirping in the middle of the night, your bed and the way it feels when you lay your head down at night or seeing things that you see everyday like your family members, friends and pets.

For the past two months I was able to experience something that many people will never even have a chance to see in their lifetime. I was able to go to Hungary and live on my own. I have learned so many things about myself through this experience. I will be eternally grateful that I was able to follow the footsteps of God to this location and be touched by the rich heritage of the children and people of Hungary.

First, I have become more independent. More independent in ways that some of you might would think that I should have already conquered. Unfortunately, I have to admit that there were things that I never thought that I would get through. But through those experiences I became a stronger and more reliable person. Nobody can take those things away from you.

Secondly, I had to start relying on God when I felt fearful. Fear is something that takes over my brain and holds on tight. Thankfully, I found comfort in looking to the Lord about the things that I would become the most fearful about. Through this, God and I have become a stronger team and for that I will always be thankful. Without God, nothing is possible. Right?

Thirdly, I learned that sometimes things do not happen the way that you expect them too. There were many cases of this in Hungary. Living in a different culture is already hard enough. Then you add the isolation, the loneliness, the language barrier and the extra time that you have (which I had quite a bit!) These things were things that brought pros and cons into the situation. Sometimes I did not know how to handle these situations and unfortunately, maybe did not handle them correctly. At the same time, I believe that I mentally got myself through the time that I was there. Anyone that is gone for this amount of period is going to start longing for what was once normal.

Lastly, I learned about friendships. I have always known that “Friendships Come and Go,” but I hated to see them ‘GO’ when I left Budapest. I was torn. Here I was 6,000 miles away from everything that I knew and loved. But, now I was in a place that had become something that I loved and cherished as well. It was a bittersweet experience.

So, I told my kids that I was leaving yesterday. I never expected any of them to really be unhappy about this. I mean, yes of course, they had become special to me, but to me I thought it would be hard for them to be attached to me because I spoke a different language. Why I thought this I still do not know. I mean, me, myself had become attached to some people in Hungary that didn’t speak a word of English… actually, they ended up being my best friends in the end! When I was getting my coat on to leave on my last day of classes, a little girl approached me… sobbing… crying… and then she looked at me and she simply said, “Virag (her name) is sad Ms. Jessie…. Virag is very sad.” Tears started streaming from my face. How innocent these children are. They do not understand why I have to leave them after they have become so close to me. They do not realize how far America is from them. So, once the tears started flowing from Virag’s face, I looked around and my whole first grade class was in tears. Indeed, I made a difference. God made a difference.

For the past few days I have been really struggling with understanding why God sent me to Hungary. Some things had brought me to frustration and made me feel that I was not needed or did not fulfill a task. Yesterday, before I left for Hungary, I was praying to God. I was asking him, “why did I come here?! What has happened? Why did some of the things that were supposed to work not work the right way?”

A few weeks ago, I had been traveling into Budapest from Velence by train. I was standing at the train station talking to myself (thinking nobody knew what I was saying—or they would never see me again! Ha!) about why the ticket lady was not at her stand. Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind me… “hey, do you need some help?” He ended up helping me to my train, getting my ticket and from then on, we bumped into each other quite a bit. I called him last night to let him know that I would be leaving Hungary. He said he would like to come over and talk to me. So I invited him over with my friends and I for one last night of hanging out. We had stayed up later than everyone else just talking about life: goals and aspirations. Suddenly, he asked me why I had come to Hungary. I told him that God had sent me. He said that he did not believe in God and that he never felt God. We then began talking about spirituality. I had never been able to witness like this. It was different. He wanted to know. He asked me, “why do you believe?” What a great question. Why do you believe? I answered him with the best answer I knew, I then read scripture to him. I can say to you that I did not walk away knowing that he accepted Jesus as his Savior but I can walk away saying that he is thinking about it and that he has a bible. Pray for him to feel God’s spirit. That is my prayer request. I want him to feel the same way that I feel and so many of us feel. Isn’t it a great feeling to know that you have God in your life? Therefore, when I left Hungary, I may not have been able to witness to a ton of people like I was expecting to, but I witnessed to one person. If I can touch one person’s life while I was there, that would be enough. God did send me there for a reason and I did NOT FAIL. God has shown me in so many ways that this trip was well worth my time and energy.

Like I said before, I will be eternally grateful for this experience. On the first flight home from Budapest, I ran into a couple from Colorado. They had been at an orphanage in Romania. They have been witnessing in this Romanian organization for 19 years now. This man was so wise. I was able to tell him about my story and what was going on in my life. He gave me such a great lesson. It was the basics but it was something that each and every one of us should be reminded of… Grace, Mercy, Forgiveness, and Hope.

As I walk away from Budapest, I pray for that city and its surrounding cities. I pray for the guy that I got to talk to about God last night. I pray for the Hungarian Baptist Aid and all of the ways they help their people. I pray for the leaders of this organization, for they have a lot on their plates. I pray that I become more wise and that God will allow me to see things more clearly in the future.

I do not know if I ever will return to this city. However, I do know that it will forever be in my heart and soul. The people of Hungary will be my second family. They will always have my prayers and best wishes. Even now, when I shut my eyes… I see glimpses of the city and all of its beauty.

A quote was written in my book from the school when i left that I would like to share...

"Traveling is not just seeing the new; it is also leaving behind. Not just opening doors; also closing them behind you, never to return. But the place you have left forever is always there for you to see whenever you shut your eyes."

Thanks for keeping up with me on my journey. More to come, hopefully.

Love,

Jessie

I wrote this on the way home from Hungary... I hope that you will continue to follow me... & pray for me... THERE IS MORE TO COME.

Clarification on my last blog

When I said that 50 deaths had been recorded from the flu... that was for the entire Country of Ukraine. I was not saying in that one particular village. I am just referring to the sickness that is going around in the Ukraine and the prayer that needs to go out for these people who are sick. I am sorry for any confusion that I could have caused.

Thank You.

Darkness.

This weekend was filled with excitement, joy, happiness, bliss and heartache. I was able to go to Munkacs, Ukraine this weekend with Speedy, Mariann and Lilia.

Ever since I was young, I have never wanted to enter my house when it was dark outside. There are times that I would sit in my car for an hour, until my parents got home so that I would not enter the house alone. As I have grown older, I have appreciated the dark more and more. I like it to be really dark when I sleep. I like movie theater's to be dark. Darkness is something that God created also.

The reason that I am speaking about darkness is because this weekend... I understood a new perspective on darkness. One that I do not know if I was ready to learn or not. When it's dark... you don't see everything in plain sight. You can't see very far in front of you while you are walking and you are searching for a light with every step that you take... so that you can see, so that you don't stumble, so that you don't fall down.

In Munkacs, it gets dark around 5 pm. The wedding was set to begin at 5 and we were running a little late. I was wearing my new pair of New Balances. As we were walking, all I could think about was how I was going to ruin my shoes. Slowly placing my feet in different places so that I would not get them muddy. It had been raining a lot in Munkacs at that time. The streets were filled with mud and big puddles.

The wedding celebration was absolutely awesome. Gypsies and their celebrations are anything but unique. They have their own culture and way of doing it. I got to see my little boys from the Summer for the 3rd time. Every time they see me, it's like amazement. They can not believe that I have come back again. This time I had to talk in front of the camera and all I could hear were screams from behind me "JESSIE, JESSIE!!" This my friends is the reason I come back to Munkacs. There is a feeling inside that I get when I am around these children. I want to make a difference in their lives so bad that it hurts.

So to explain where I was going with the darkness part of this story. The next morning I woke up... went outside to get some fresh air. It was still rainy, wet and muddy. We had to leave quickly after we woke up... we had to get on the road for we had a long journey ahead of us to get back to Budapest.

I knew that it might be the last time that I got to visit Munkacs before I traveled back to North Carolina. I also knew that it may be the last time that I get to see some of these friends until next Summer.

When we pulled out onto the street, something hit me. I started looking around. This place didn't look the same as it did this Summer. This place had trash everywhere, rainy wet roads and mud puddles, and desperation was in each of the faces that we passed. As we rounded the bend, I saw 3 boys that were apart of the summer camps this summer. They were searching through the trash that was laying on the ground. (Do you get it-- I'm weeping.)

The first thoughts thing came to my mind was that I was mad? Tears ran down my face. How can I come 6,000 miles away from my home and fall in love with these children...? Why am I an American? Why do they have to dig through the trash? Lord, why do they have no shoes and it's cold outside? Lord, why are they sick with no money? Lord, why THEM?

The night before I had been worried about my New Balance shoes getting dirty. That next day, I no longer cared about my New Balance shoes getting dirty... I cared about my 'children' getting dirty.

People, I do not think you understand. My heart is breaking. My eyes are filled with tears. Could you think of your brother or sister in the trash searching for their desires? In the dead of darkness, we don't see what people are living in. In the dead of darkness, we don't see what their faces are saying. In the dead of darkness, we don't see what's really going on in someone's life. But God does. Are you living in the darkness?

Wake up. Step into the light. God is waiting.

These next few months are going to be hard. They are cold, wet and dreary. I want to ask each and everyone of you to pray for these children. Sickness is already spreading in the Ukraine. 50 deaths have already been recorded. When these kids are sick they can not afford to go to the doctor. Pray for me to be strong as well.

This image will forever be in my mind. It has touched me deeper than I have been touched in a long time.

The link to my new youtube video where you can see the gypsy wedding is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glUXRC1ZTVI

NOVEMBER 2, 2009 VLOG ON YOUTUBE!!! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9DNSdteZK4

CHECK OUT MY NEW VIDEO :) HAD A GREAT DAY TODAY

Isn't that how we should meet our friends?

So it's 12:30 AM here now... and I have been laying in bed... thinking about sleep for the past hour. Unfortunately, getting to sleep has not yet occurred. I have a lot of things on my mind.

I was thinking about a few things that have happened recently that have really made me think. Things that each and every one of us have probably done in our lifetimes or are still doing at this moment. Recently, I found myself thinking about past events that have taken place in my life... Cases, which I have hurt someone. It could have been mentally, physically, or emotionally. I know that everyone does things in High School that they regret, but for me.. it seems to really be taking a toll on me. I did not commit murder or anything so serious that everyone is going to gasp for air and say to themselves, "No Way Jessie Garner Did That!!"

I have recently found out that a girl that I went to school with is dying. The only thing that I could stop and recall about her was the fact that I was insanely rude to her. I was always that person that laughed along with the crowd or pointed someone out for reasons that were obviously not what I would like to see. When I began to think about the things and people that I have gawked in my lifetime.... It became evident to me --that there was no reason for this. Some say, popularity is something that you have to work up too. What is your definition of popularity? Believe me high school students, popularity will be here today and out the window in 4 years. What are you trying to gain? The power to everything that you will one day regret. Furthermore, are you just masking yourself so that those that are around you will not see your faults, because you are going to make sure you show someone else's.

Looking back on the things I have done, I have regrets. Who doesn't? Sure, I'll have tons of regrets in my future... who wouldn't?

Remember that there is forgiveness about the regrets in your lifetime. Don't use this pass that God gives us freely. Don't apologize and get forgiveness for something that you know that you will end up doing tomorrow. Try to learn to make yourself more positive. Try to learn to not do the same sins over and over.

Jesus died on that cross to forgive us of our sins. Are you ready to be forgiven? Don't let the devil lead you into temptation... and evil... by insulting the person that is equal to you in God's eyes. You are insulting the precious gift that God created... Everything is equal to God. So, if the girl beside you in school doesn't dress the same as you, has less money, doesn't talk like you or smells really bad... don't tease her... instead, tell her about Jesus.

Why don't we end with everyone of our circumstances like that? Wouldn't that be more powerful? Let me tell you friends, since I have been here in Hungary... I have seen, held and been in contact with so many things that you could only imagine... but what I have come to realize... is that they were made just like I was. They are here for a purpose.

What I would give to go back and take that person's hand and show that school... it did not matter what she wore, what she looked like, or even, how she smelt... it didn't matter that she was not popular.. it mattered that she was a a believer in Jesus too... Isn't that how we should meet our friends?

2 weeks without a blog--- AM I IN TROUBLE?

So many things have been going on since my last blog. I first need to apologize for not being more consistent on my blogs.

*49 days until I land in Raleigh, North Carolina.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Lately, there have been a lot of things happening here in Velence, Hungary. I went through a period where my car broke down, I grew another wisdom tooth in a rare place and was indeed in a struggling mood. With all three things taking a tole over my life, I began to believe I had no room for anything else... except for my bed.

However, God has been good to me. I have recently gotten another car, my tooth does not hurt (even though I can still feel its existence.)

So that pretty much sums up the first week of no postings!

This past week, I have had off from work. October 23rd is a really big holiday in Hungary. It was when a Revolutionary War took place. Mariann's birthday is also on October 23rd. Therefore, I got to spend last Saturday at Mariann's house. There I got to see most of the translators that were on my trip to the Ukraine and also some new lovely faces. AND GUESS WHAT! An American face popped in also. Derek came to visit Mariann on her 25th Birthday too! Which gave me happiness... first off, because my mom sent me some awesome stuff and secondly, well I could talk normal (even if it was only for 24 hours!)

On Sunday, we were able to go to church (Derek & I) with Mariann's family! It was exciting! After church Derek and I got to actually visit with our home church: Piney Grove. Not actually go there, no. The church set up a screen so that we could talk to our church family! What an amazing experience for everyone! It was a highlight of my life! (Thanks Glen, Preacher and a special thanks to Mike Cole!)

Monday & Wednesday I was able to travel into the city with two of my dear friends: Speedy & Victor. Neither of them are fluent in English... which makes my trip even more special! Getting to learn the language is much more easier when ... nobody knows your language. It makes you really want to learn it. On these two days I was able to ride with them to do their routine activities. It was an amazing experience because... I was able to visit more places that Hungarian Baptist Aid have set up to help their community. I attended a homeless shelter. I was able to meet the guy that is in charge of the homeless shelter (he could speak fluently in English). He told me about the story of how the homeless shelter started. It began by taking blankets and food to those who were on the streets... realizing that this would not be enough, they began finding places where they could sleep. They now own a house where 100 people sleep every night. These people can sometimes be drug addicted... therefore, they help them get off the drugs. Once they realized that this was too not enough, they then built houses out in the Country where they could live 8 years after they have been taken off the streets. They find a job, learn how to earn and save money and begin their families. All through this process they learn about our Jesus, who washes the dirt, the grind, the streets odor and their drug addictions away...and learn about what he has done for each and every one of them. I believe that I am so fortunate to be one of the first people to come to Hungary to live from America with Hungarian Baptist Aid because I am soo excited about the programs (that I did not even know about) that are in place. We can assure ourselves that Hungarian Baptist Aid is making their Country a better place. Thankfully, I get to be in the midst of these people daily.

Tuesday night was so much fun this week! Victor, Speedy & Mariann came over. I wanted everyone to try an American meal. I made homemade veggie soup (only my 2nd time ever). I do not know if they had pity on me, or if they really like it... but they said the loved it... !! We ended up playing UNO! And it was so much fun.. It's so awesome that I have friends here now... it's so important.

Now--for a blessing!!! There is a lady that North Carolina Baptist Men have been talking about coming and joining me! I got to speak to her yesterday! OH, how excited I am to know that there is someone on the way to become apart of my team... She will be able to laugh at my jokes, ride with me in the car, and help me teach! It's a blessing, I promise! We will even, HOPEFULLY be riding home on the same plane! Keep her in your prayers... for it is a long journey for her as well. It will be just as challenging coming to a foreign Country and learning new routines... but I am so excited that I will be here to help guide her through the things that I have already learned.

Thank You all for keeping up with my blog. Please keep praying for me! I promise you, it will not be this long before I post again...

PLEASE CHECK OUT MY BLOGS ON YOUTUBE!!!!!!

Love you all,

Jessie